I really think I'm changing and crossing some lines. Doing shit in life and trying everything ... I guess everything has it's limits. I love a guy, he's 2,475 km away. Sometimes I wonder if it's right to feel like this or this feelings that I have r real. It's really something special and hard to explain.
Maybe I'm too young to explain it or no one is able to find the right words and I'm just one of those people.
He understands me, he really does. I got dragged by his character, got addicted to his stories, I started depending on his presence in my life,talking to him became my daily routine. Never been in love before, maybe that's what makes it difficult. My feelings get all mixed up, happiness, joy, loneliness, sadness, sorrow. I've felt them before but never so intentionally, it's just hard sometimes. I was always thinking rationally now I don't. I'm a typical thinker I guess but I get more emotional now, even now writing this I cry. Not cause I'm sad or anything... just too emotional and tears just keep rolling on my face. I used to be a stronger person.Now apparently I fail to that.
I keep wondering what I do with my life, and how things will go with this person I keep talking about. A lot of things part us. Distance, age difference, social life... just life I guess. Sometimes I think I'm insane for letting him get so close to me and knowing me too much, but it wasn't something I could really control.
What am I thinking ? What am I doing? Why I'm risking so much about someone I don't really know and about something that's not really possible?
Questions just pop in my head and there's not a logical explanation to it, except I'm in love with him.
I didn't believe in love but now I just learn to deal with it. I did accept the fact that I love him, but I hate him as well, hate him for making me go through this, I don't think I deserve it. If I really had to experience love the only thing I ask for is the person to be with me so I can love him properly. And apparently I'm not allowed to do so, it's sorta privilege to me. Even tried not talking to him, didn't work my life just got messy. I just end up thinking about him more and not being able to function. I have so many things in life I wanna do, so many things I want to experience and I want him in my life, but how ever I look at it he just doesn't fit in... our life's don't match.
Questions just pop in my head and there's not a logical explanation to it, except I'm in love with him.
I didn't believe in love but now I just learn to deal with it. I did accept the fact that I love him, but I hate him as well, hate him for making me go through this, I don't think I deserve it. If I really had to experience love the only thing I ask for is the person to be with me so I can love him properly. And apparently I'm not allowed to do so, it's sorta privilege to me. Even tried not talking to him, didn't work my life just got messy. I just end up thinking about him more and not being able to function. I have so many things in life I wanna do, so many things I want to experience and I want him in my life, but how ever I look at it he just doesn't fit in... our life's don't match.
People say u can't love someone unless he's there with u. Than how come when I think of him I'm happy?
Maybe because I get the amount of attention, understanding and carrying I need and no one has given me till now. Maybe I just need someone in my life.
My feelings just get more and more mixed and apparently I don't make sense anymore. questions just go through my head.... maybe naturally cause I'm a thinker, than again everything is down to maybe.
I guess I'll never know. have to just wait and see
Maybe because I get the amount of attention, understanding and carrying I need and no one has given me till now. Maybe I just need someone in my life.
My feelings just get more and more mixed and apparently I don't make sense anymore. questions just go through my head.... maybe naturally cause I'm a thinker, than again everything is down to maybe.
I guess I'll never know. have to just wait and see
